| I started going to the gym when I was forty. I | | | | each piece with her bare hand and dropped it into |
| did it then for the same reason a lot of baby | | | | in your outstretched hand with a knowing smile. |
| boomers do what they do. It was popular. I didn't | | | | Today, that lady would be wearing gloves and |
| want to look or feel a minute older than | | | | probably would have a blow torch handy to open |
| necessary either. I worked out religiously and I'm | | | | the box the candy came in. Packaging of |
| proud to say I still follow a regular exercise | | | | consumer products, from lettuce to lycopene, has |
| routine. My motivation has changed over the | | | | never been the same since seven people in the |
| years. As recently as a year ago I would have | | | | Chicago area died after ingesting Extra Strength |
| told you I was doing weight training and aerobics | | | | Tylenol medicine capsules laced with potassium |
| to give me a fighting chance once old age set in; | | | | cyanide. |
| in another thirty or forty years. (Remember, I'm | | | | Secure packaging certainly makes sense if we're |
| a baby boomer.) It was only recently that I | | | | talking about something we intend to swallow. |
| realized how much I needed substantially more | | | | However, it doesn't explain why we need the |
| muscle right now. | | | | equivalent of a jack hammer to extricate a toy |
| No, I didn't suddenly take a job in construction. I | | | | or an electronic device from its package. |
| actually worked construction for five hours once | | | | Recently, I bought a recorder to help me |
| in Florida to pay off losses from a poker game | | | | remember ideas for my next column. As it turned |
| the night before. I've never lifted a bag of | | | | out the package it came in gave me one. Even |
| concrete or played a hand of poker since. | | | | wire cutters are no match for a hard plastic |
| I discovered I wasn't nearly strong enough when I | | | | clamshell container, with its fused seams. Maybe |
| tried to open a package. You would think a | | | | we should use the same material for the fence |
| package of cheese sticks was a snap. Not so. I | | | | being built to protect our borders. |
| managed to wrestle the plastic package into | | | | According to an article in the Washington Post, |
| submission and extract the cheese but I had to | | | | retailers say the heat-sealed edges keep shoppers |
| resort to using a pair of scissors to ensure | | | | from opening them in stores. I suppose that |
| victory. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to eat it right | | | | explains why a one inch by three inch product is |
| away. I needed to wait until my heart rate got | | | | wrapped in a hermetically sealed package the size |
| below 150. The supplemental oxygen was a big | | | | of a dishwasher. Actually, the packages are large |
| help. Then on a flight from Orlando I had to | | | | to discourage people from stealing them. I can't |
| endure a very embarrassing moment when the | | | | believe retailers are really worried. Criminals have |
| flight attendant handed me a package of peanuts. | | | | been known to turn themselves in rather than |
| I could see the attractive young lady next to me | | | | deal with the cuts and bruises they get trying to |
| stifling a laugh as I went three rounds with that | | | | pry the merchandise loose. |
| little package. Since you're not allowed to carry | | | | One of my favorite examples of over packaging |
| scissors in flight anymore, I had to rely on my | | | | is the CD. By the time you make it through the |
| incisors to break free the eight peanuts. | | | | outer plastic wrap, and through the impossible to |
| I know we live in a world now where there are | | | | peel sticky tape, expertly glued on three sides of |
| scary people with real and imagined grievances | | | | the plastic container, your favorite artist's new |
| who wouldn't hesitate to poison food and drink to | | | | release isn't so new. The last time I had a stress |
| get even with the world, make a point about | | | | test I suggested to my doctor that instead of |
| global warming or just get on the news. It's hard | | | | the treadmill, he could substitute a matchup with a |
| to imagine a time when candy like red licorice, red | | | | couple of unwrapped CDs. Think of it as sweating |
| hots or watermelon slices were sold loose. The | | | | to the oldies. |
| candy sat behind a glass counter, no packaging | | | | I could go on about this but I have to get to the |
| required. The lady behind the counter grabbed | | | | gym. My personal trainer is waiting. |